In Zeiten der Dauervernetzung durch das Internet sind medizinische Selbstdiagnosen hoch im Kurs. Auf Google die Symptome eingeben und innert Sekunden eine fatale Diagnose erhalten. Wie gescheit diese dilettantische Form der Selbstkasteiung ist, sei an dieser Stelle mal dahingestellt.
Natürlich gibt es denn auch auf Social-Media-Plattformen medizinische Communitys, gerne auch in ratgeberischer Form. Doch aufgepasst, wenn du auf Twitter bist. Dort treibt sich nämlich der Satire-Account Dr. Badvice rum, die offensichtliche Antithese zu gutem Rat. Hoffen wir, dass immerhin Lachen die beste Medizin ist.
Die Tweets sind zynisch und offenkundig satirisch. Wer Witze über allfällige Krankheiten geschmacklos findet, soll an dieser Stelle den Storykonsum einstellen.
If you're having stomach pains, it means your stomach needs some oil to run more smoothly.
— Dr Badvice (@BadHealthAdvice) February 5, 2020
Eat plenty of fried foods and you'll feel better in no time!
Exercising helps get rid of water weight, but water is good for you so maybe just don't exercise
— Dr Badvice (@BadHealthAdvice) December 23, 2019
Don't have any condoms? No problem! Pregnancy can't happen without a female orgasm involved. Get it done quick, no positive pregnancy sticks!
— Dr Badvice (@BadHealthAdvice) January 2, 2020
Diabetes is a good thing. It makes you thirstier, and therefore you'll drink more water
— Dr Badvice (@BadHealthAdvice) January 28, 2020
A good way to lose weight is large bowel movements, so be sure to eat a lot of food for maximum weight loss efficiency
— Dr Badvice (@BadHealthAdvice) December 26, 2019
Need proof that alcohol is healthier than water? Well, did Jesus turn wine into water? No? Didn't think so.
— Dr Badvice (@BadHealthAdvice) January 14, 2020
To make your fried foods healthier and to give them healing properties, fry them with essential oils instead of traditional oils!
— Dr Badvice (@BadHealthAdvice) February 16, 2020
Death has a 100% cure rate for headaches https://t.co/cNpAWk5CiH
— Dr Badvice (@BadHealthAdvice) December 29, 2019
If women just had their periods more often, they wouldn't get cramps. The cramps are because the period muscles are worked infrequently.
— Dr Badvice (@BadHealthAdvice) January 26, 2020
Never skip period day.
Emergency Room is for emergencies only so only go there if you really have to pee
— Dr Badvice (@BadHealthAdvice) January 29, 2020
The human species will never evolve to tolerate concussions if we continue to try and prevent them #freetheskull
— Dr Badvice (@BadHealthAdvice) December 21, 2019
If you have a tattoo on a limb that you regret, do NOT pay for tattoo removal.
— Dr Badvice (@BadHealthAdvice) February 9, 2020
Instead, eat nothing but sugary foods. Very soon you'll receive an amputation on the taxpayers dime!
It's much healthier to smoke meth with the window curtains open so that you get some vitamin D
— Dr Badvice (@BadHealthAdvice) February 17, 2020
If you ever feel like you might be dealing with depression, just try not feeling sad!
— Dr Badvice (@BadHealthAdvice) January 16, 2020
Type II diabetes can be a very effective weight loss method if you eventually get an amputation
— Dr Badvice (@BadHealthAdvice) January 10, 2020
Life pro tip: If you're going to get cancer, just wait until you're really old. This way the effects on your social life are minimal.
— Dr Badvice (@BadHealthAdvice) January 19, 2020
The best way to avoid your period is to identify as a male once a month
— Dr Badvice (@BadHealthAdvice) January 9, 2020
The best way to deal with the herpes epidemic is to just make sure everyone has it. This way we can get rid of the anticipation and fear of wondering if our partner has herpes.
— Dr Badvice (@BadHealthAdvice) January 21, 2020
Remember: taking the vegetables off your double bacon cheeseburger decreases the amount of calories consumed
— Dr Badvice (@BadHealthAdvice) December 18, 2019
Beginne mit einem täglichen Training und haue morgens, gleich nach dem Aufstehen mehrmals den Kopf an die Wand. Steigere die Anzahl langsam jeden Tag und erhöhe den Aufschlag...