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... aber sie könnten dir das Leben mit einem Ehepartner auch ein bisschen vermiesen. Obwohl man mit Recht behaupten kann, dass die meisten Situationen auch auf Langzeit-Beziehungen zutreffen.
Marriage is alright if you like someone coming home and telling you about their day in the middle of your movie
— Dumb Beezie (@dumbbeezie) 1. Juni 2017
Marry your true love so you can always wake up together and say, "Breathe the other way".
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) 20. April 2017
My wife said I need to grow up. I was speechless.
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) 10. Oktober 2014
It's hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth
[Me, on my deathbed]
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) 23. Mai 2017
Wife: Is that what you're going to wear?
Husband asked what I want for my bday. Answer: "I'd love some great guacamole!"
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) 14. Juni 2017
Your 40s lower not just life expectancy, but expectations.
My husband keeps nagging me to get my oil changed, which is ridiculous because I swear I just did that three thousand months ago.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) 18. Mai 2017
WIFE: how does this house get so dirty so fast?
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) 1. Juni 2017
ME: *rollerblading through the kitchen while eating some nachos* kids are gross
My wife wanted two kittens but I am the man in this house so we got two kittens
— Justin Guarini (@JustinGuarini) 17. Januar 2015
Me: Want me to go grocery shopping?
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) 14. Oktober 2016
Wife: NO. All you do is text me questions the whole time. I'll do it.
Husbanding level: Expert.
Wife: I have clothes for you to try on.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 19. Juni 2017
5-year-old: *flops on the floor*
Me: Grow up.
Wife: I have some for you, too.
Me: *also flops*
wife: Why is your back all scratched up?
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) 18. August 2016
[flashback to me chasing a raccoon after she told me to leave it alone]
me: I'm having an affair
My husband is home sick from work today and it's like having one thousand babies.
— Sarah del Rio (@sarahdelri0) 15. Dezember 2014
Marriage is just texting each other "Do we need anything from the grocery store?" a bunch of times until one of you dies.
— Daniel Carrillo (@DanielRCarrillo) 15. Juli 2015
WIFE: Stop spending money on stupid stuff
— Floyd is dead (@dafloydsta) 17. August 2016
ME: Okay
[later]
WIFE: What the hell?
[dog walks by in a tuxedo]
ME: He's getting married, Karen
My wife and I hit an important marriage milestone.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 4. Juni 2015
We had a fight entirely in fridge magnets. pic.twitter.com/sUvXbe2Fnn
*pulls curtain back while wife is in the shower*
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) 24. Februar 2016
me: Are we - stop screaming, it's just me- are we out of Cheetos?
MARRIED SEXTING: I'm not wearing any underwear...because you never put the laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 flipping times.
— Christie Johnson (@cjohnsonking5) 19. September 2015
Don't marry someone before you see them step on a Lego.
— Jay (@theshamingofjay) 9. Mai 2017
(sim)
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